Monday, May 19, 2014

SUNRISE - SUNSET

SUNRISE              -              SUNSET

MAY 19, 2014                     MAY 20, 2014

WHEN A MAN AND A WOMAN COME TOGETHER
HE PIERCES HER DNA…
HE INJECTS HIS LIFE INTO HER BLOOD STREAM WHEN
HE EJACULATES INSIDE HER WITH NO PROTECTION
WHEN A WOMAN RECEIVES A MAN INSIDE HERSELF
SHE ACCEPTS HIS EVERY THOUGHT PATTERN EVERY
EMOTION AND EVERY HEARTBEAT HE UTTERS
UNTIL SHE EXPELS HIM FROM HER
WHEN A MAN ENTERS A WOMAN
HE IS IMPRINTING HIS SPIRIT ON HER SOUL
AND SHOULD THEY CLIMAX SIMULTANEOUSLY
THEY CAN NO LONGER TELL WHERE HE ENDS
AND SHE BEGINS
WHEN A WOMAN PREPARES HERSELF
FOR A MAN’S ENTRY SHE RELINQUISHES HER
ESSENCE, HER PHEROMONES FOR HIS SENSES
SHE SUMMONS HIS SHAFT TO CREATE THEIR
ARTISTIC SYMBOLISM OF UNITY
WHEN A MAN INFLAMES A WOMAN’S TEMPLE
HE SEARS HER TO HIM
HIS SWEAT MINGLES WITH HER TEARS TO
FASHION A NEW TASTE FOR HER LIPS
WHEN A WOMAN SURRENDERS TO A MAN
SHE DRINKS THEIR CONCOCTION UNTIL
SHE’S DRUNK WITH PASSION ONLY FOR
HIM TO STIR THEIR COCKTAIL WITH HIS MANHOOD
WHEN A MAN COMMANDS THE BODY OF A WOMAN
HE STRUMS SWEET MUSIC INSIDE OF HER UNTIL
LIPS PIERCED SHE HUMS HER LOVE SONG
INSIDE HIS EARS TO TAKE WITH HIM WHEN HE
DEPARTS FROM HER
WHEN A MAN PLUNGES HIMSELF INTO THE EARTH
OF A WOMAN HE COMMANDS HER
TO BREATHE HIM
FEED HIM LIFE FROM HER BOSOM
WHEN A MAN AND A WOMAN COME TOGETHER
HE DIES WHEN SHE INHALES
HE’S REBORN AS SHE EXHALES

So Sir when you say to me you don’t understand why we can’t just be “FWBs”
I say to you I am a woman and you are a man. 
I am life and death in the palm of your hand.
Should I allow you to drag me across the lines of decency 
I will be you and you me.
I will not understand that you are married to another, 
I will not play on your second string squad, 
and I will not stand silently by as you walk away.
And if your actions, words, or afterthoughts don’t line up with what I’m saying there will be hell to pay in all of our lives because I will not rest until you are destroyed.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Vicious Existence

She spends her nights alone
Often awake counting stars
The kids tucked safely away
Quietly she listens for his car
No horn blows; no doorbell rings
No headlights illuminate the
empty space beside her legs
He never returns & yet she keeps
longing & gazing at his side of the bed.

She walks with a swagger
Envied by those she's passed
Approaching; they're lost in her eyes
Departing; mesmerized by her ass
Legs long peeking from under a skirt
Shades hiding a spirit unsure of its worth
So she rushes home to a phone w/no rings
And she's alone another night it seems
He's with his wife and couldn't get away
Donning her big girl panties she fights another day.

She nurtures their kids and keeps him fed
He slumbers in peace; she cries in their bed
With the rising of the sun she starts anew
Taking care of her fam but dreams of her Boo
She walks through her day this man on her mind
She's missing Hubba's love while he's on his grind
Her Adonis feeds her inner whore and fans her flame
She makes love to her husband but moans his name.

She wants to kick it in her shoes
She wants to sing her blues
She wants to stop being used
She wants to not be abused
She wants to be her; live her life
She forever single and yearns to be wife
She's stayed married and wants to be free
She thinks she's on the B team; it's really C
And she is you and you is me.



A Vicious Existence is an Existence

Empty Space

My heart cries out for a lasting love of my own
You lying and crying bout her just trying to bone
My cookies though sweet are never up for grabs
Willing to give me what I had not what you have
My loyalty and affection I pour at your feet
But you're not satisfied until my heart you beat
I live for your gaze always craving your touch
Only you go home to her, your wife; Mrs. Such&Such
I fight back my tears standing alone in the dark
Reliving every moment never to get again
On my knees each night, "forgive us of our sins"
I don't want to let you go but I can't hold on
A melody in my chest as the DJ plays our song
Standing with her while you're thinking of me
In your thoughts there's no place I'd rather be
Right now your arms are full with her and them
I think I'm drowning though I know I can swim
On the edge of the cliff I sway back and forth
Your two to my one but who is keeping score
To love you like I do nails my feet into place
Her husband, her forever is my empty space.


Inspired by:
The Torturous Life of The Side Chick

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

April 22nd

From her lap our lives were formed
From her lips our prayers were heard
Her walk with Jesus kept us safe
Looking to the heavens we see her face
Just as she was when she pressed our hair
The sweet smell of her essence still in the air
She is the bond that erases our miles
Her adoration for us seen in all her smiles
Crushed in her arms hugs were abundant
Hearing her say "love you" was never redundant
Her children's children were  blessed beyond measure
Her children still teaching life's lessons is her treasure
A prize to bequeath to those lives yet to come
Her legacy lives on though her walk on earth is done
Years are mere months, weeks, hours; feel like yesterday
And though we shed a tear we know she's never far away
We know God called her home to sit with Him on high
So we said "see you later" but never is this goodbye
Our hearts are overjoyed as we celebrate you today
We know you are smiling as we scream
"We Love you Mamma & Happy Birthday"

In Loving Memory,

Mrs. Ervin Holman; Big Mamma

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Love's Obituary

Sunrise: 9/27/73 - Sunset 4/20/14

Love is not prejudice
Love is not boastful
Love is not pessimistic
It is even-handed
humbled
and all consuming.

Love is not manipulative
Love is not lies
Love is not hurtful
It is self-sacrificing
constant
and all knowing.

Love is not selfish
Love is not hateful
Love is not guarded
It is secure
supportive
and completely transparent.

Love is not human
Man is...
Love is not flawed
Man is...
Love is not temporary
Man is...
Love is
Man is not.

Vacancy

THIS TRAGIC LIFE HAS DEALT SOME BLOWS VERY FEW CAN GET UP FROM
I'M CONVINCED THE DAR OF NIGHT BRINGS  GREAT COMFORT
WHERE BEFORE THERE WAS ONLY FEAR
TO NOT SEE BEFORE ME
REMOVES EXPECTATION AND DISAPPOINTMENTS FROM MY GRASP

I WANT NOT
SO THE DISGUSTING MELODY OF YOUR WORDS FALLS ON DEAF EARS
TIME WAITS FOR NO ONE AND FOR YOU
I SHALL NEVER AGAIN HOLD MY BREATH

DEAR LOVE,
I ADMIT IT YOUR SADISTIC SARCASM HAS CARVED SOLID MARKINGS
IN THE CEMENT OF MY SPIRIT
TRAPPED ARE THE DREAMS I ONCE HELD DEAR
AS A YOUNG NOVICE LONGINGLY I SET ASIDE SOLID LEADS
FOR THOSE SMOKED THROUGH A PIPE
BITTER WAS THE TASTE ON MY LIPS
COUGHING, CHOKING, AND INHALING THIS BLACK LIFE
LUNGS NOW DISMANTLED
BY THE ASHES OF SUCH TREACHERY
I SIT HOPING MY NEXT OF KIN FINDS DNR ORDERS IN MY SAFE DEPOSIT BOX

TO GET RIGHT WITH GOD WOULD BEHOOVE THIS WEARY SOUL OR
THE TEACHINGS OF BIG MAMMA WERE FOR NAUGHT.
I ENTERED INTO THIS WORLD ON A WING & A PRAYER 
REPENT OR REMORSE'S ALL I GOT
THERE MUST BE A PLACE WHERE I BELONG; 
WHERE MY INNER DREAMER IS SET FREE
RIDICULED I WAS IN THIS FLESH
WALKING THIS EARTH
WHEN THE ONLY PERSON I KNEW TO BE WAS ME
TROUBLES DON'T LAST ALWAYS OR JOY COMETH IN THE MORNING?
A WIVE'S TALE AS TALL AS MY CYCLE KEPT ME 
FROM HOLDING NEW LIFE IN MY ARMS
CRADLED TO MY BOSOM
CRIMSON STREAKS CURDLE IN ON THEMSELVES RUSHING
TO ESCAPE THE WOUND OVER MY HEART
I KNEW I WOULD HAVE TO DIE IN THIS FLESH TO GET 
MY CLEAN SLATE AND FRESH START.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

From The Depths of My Soul

My heart is full
My spirit is content
My needs are met
My wants are satisfied

My prayers are with purpose
My walk is with grace
My vision is through discernment
My faith is steadfast

My children are my pride
My mamma is my guide
My friends are my tried
My king is my heart-alive

God I praise Thee from the depths of my soul.

Your child,
Onta



Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Choose Ye This Day

I can’t sit I can’t stand
I just can’t
Tossing & turning I’m lost
Lost in fear
Lost in hope
Lost in love
My soul dies twice over just as the sun rises
I smell death so near I flinch from the impact
Its timing so in sync I stumble
Just as your fist makes contact
Your physicality I’d rather withstand
Rather than once more my spirit savagely raped
This moment begs I put two silver bullets to rest
My smile; my rarest treasure so many take it for granted
Light or dark it remains in place; my representative
Just don’t think for 1 second I can’t crack
Fold under pressure
Cry when I’m hurt
Hate to be alone
Panic when I’m drowning
Drowning…
I know if I don’t swim I can’t rise
I can’t be victorious
I know if I don’t float I can’t live
Today…..

Just once I choose death

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Do You Recognize Ms. Self-Sufficient? She Is Not Ms. Independent

I need love dammit....


I need love
I need understanding
I need my heart massaged
Protect it from the storm

Stop hating me
Stop misconstruing my words
Stop stabbing my heart
Bring it into your shelter

Accept my love and let my heart's blood cover your spirit in its thunderous crimson glory. Open your mouth to receive my spirit on my expelled breath. Not just with your eyes but with your soul watch my essence cloak our physicals and stimulate our mentals.


Saturday, March 8, 2014

On The Rebound

I wonder if he knows I often sway like a pendulum needing retooling
I wish I could have heard his answer when someone asked about me 
Does he quietly slumber in her arms at night with no regard for the loss
While I toss and turn only to awaken in a cold sweat empty and lost
The days turned into years and at first life's distractions kept me calm
If I'm honest the distractions still didn't stop me from reaching for him
My temple's DNA inherited while my personality was an acquired taste
So though I ran from the memories of him I still hungered for his touch

What type of woman would I be if I'd had the benefit of his protection
My kids wouldn't physically change only the chain of a circle strengthened
Heartbroken I carry on hoping against hope for what will never be again
Feet shuffling forward but my fingers itch to turn back hands of our clock
No longer do we play sweet music or lick chocolate from the spoons
Each glance at a Miller still fills my space with nostalgic scented hops
I am strong when I'm weak, silent when I'm loud, alone in a crowd
A chameleon surviving in my environment a branded letter abreast

I'm older now living with my choices growing from lessons learned
I try to open my heart without fear the next man I love won't burn
I often stumble and fall praying I had him there to buffer the blow
Like two ships in the night with no light our star-boards politely brush
What did I do so wrong early on to deserve only the view of his back
If I asked him would I be strong enough to accept his tacit response
What would my daddy say to his baby girl all grown? His first born?

Dedicated to: My Father

Sunday, March 2, 2014

I CAN'T! I WON'T APOLOGIZE

I AM WHO I AM AND FOR THAT I MAKE NO APOLOGIES
I STRIVE TO BE BETTER THAN I WAS NOT BETTER THAN YOU
ON THIS EARTH WHERE I SHALL NOT BE JUDGED....I AM
FOR THE WIDTH OF MY HIPS OR THE MONEY IN MY HAND
I LIVE FROM WITHIN MY HEART BLOOD FLOWS EXTROVERTIVELY
FAKE IT 'TIL I MAKE IT IS LESS THAN HE CREATED ME TO BE
HEAD HELD HIGH BREATHING IN THE SPIRIT OF THE QUEENS
NEFERTITI, THE LADY OF ALL WOMEN, SWEET OF LOVE
THE EGYPTIAN ROCK OF THIS BLACK GIRL/WOMAN WHO ROARS
BEQUEATHED ONLY ONE LIFE TO ABOUND NEW HEIGHTS
BAMBOOZLED BY A BOY SHEATHED IN A HUSBAND'S PANTS
VERSIONS OF THE TRUTH BURIED BENEATH SIX FEET OF REGRET
IN GOD'S EXQUISITE CREATION OF LIGHT MY LOVE'S NOW ON FIRE
I STAND BEFORE ALL RADIANTLY HUMBLED BY MY MISTAKES
BATHED CLEAN, ANOINTED, AND SWADDLED IN HIS GRACE
A DIAMOND WITH CLARITY NO LONGER COVERED BY THE DIRT
OF HEARTBREAK THAT ONCE SUFFOCATED A LUNG COLLAPSED
UPGRADED
THOUGH FADED
I'VE MADE IT
LOOK EASY TO MY YOUNG CHARGES STUDYING MY LIFE
I SMILE THROUGH MY TEARS A CLYDESDALE IN FULL STRIDE
I AM WHO I AM NO LONGER WHO I USED TO BE
I MAKE NO APOLOGIES I CAN ONLY BE ME

Thursday, February 13, 2014

I Am Fashioned From His Rib

The crack of my ribs could be heard silently fashioning her heart
Elevated illusions of child bearing hips and my seed to carry my name on
Mentally and physically I had nothing to say
Two protrusions on her chest with the ability to nourish a generation
Clouds filled the air as her backbone was added to be stronger than mine!
Her strength, Her lips, Her eyes, all one to last the test of time....

God created him first to lead a nation across lands
Look until he findeth a good fit for his wedding band
I am his life’s work as the original Architect designed
As he slept I was born from his side not his behind
I’m not fashioned to fit the slender super model size
But from his rib to hold his legacy betwixt my thighs
He drinks from my spirit until his cup runneth over
I am the rabbit’s foot in his pocket; a four leaf clover
My love is his armor my arms shelter him from harm
I keep his home immaculate and his children warm
I am his queen
Well versed in diplomacy
Allergic to conformity
I am his freak
Dipped in honey
Swathed in mystery
I am
In simplicity
HIS….

I am HER!
I'm here to argue with her for no reason
I'm her stress relief from life
Her body has seasons
Sometimes my strength is not physical it's mental
Sometimes I have to wrap my brain around what she's been through
Metaphorically speaking
She's the cure to my Asthma
She's cured my breathing
Together we will fight the good fight
Glorify God and accept his sentencing
Mistakes are made to learn
Learning is a tool,
Between her thighs she conjugates verbs
My rod, her staff, we comfort thee
When I break down this gift in its simplicity
I marvel at the one we called Eve

I am
in simplicity
HER....
The one he loves as God loves the church
the one he'd never intentionally hurt
I am every fantasy every dream reborn
I gave him
his baby girl
his mamma's peach cobbler
his son for his name to live on
HIS...
form the dust we came to the dust we return

Lovingly Danced with DJ the DJ 2014



Sunday, February 2, 2014

Jerel's Bedtime Story: "I Wasn't Even in the Fight"

Come here Slim let me put something on your mind
Let me kiss you in the dark & start this nasty grind
I’ve got plans to seduce you from the inside out
Yeah I’m taking you home to see what you’re about
I’ve got a treat for you to get us in the mood
It’s time for your story in my bed in the nude
Once upon a time there was a sexy chocolate guy
His essence caught my attention as he passed me by
Pheromones to pheromones I quickly was in pursuit
Blue tank & KK jeans swag completed with polo boots
He struts with a confidence that turns plenty heads
I follow him with my eyes b’cuz they see him in my bed
He senses my presence before he sees my face
His powerful legs slow up and I now keep the pace
Our eyes meet, he licks his lip, and I reach for his hand
Once the eagle and now the prey I’m in a foreign land
He chuckles to himself as we listen to the tables turn
His slow touch sparks a trail of fire and I feel my skin burn
My lips part to speak but he slips his finger within
I stagger forward as I suckle him let the games begin
An alley springs up from nothing to shield us from light
Once I was in control and now I’m not even in the fight
He pushes me to the brick and assaults on my person
Lips on my neck, down my breasts, his zipper bursting
I free him from bondage his girth fills our empty space
I’m in awe of his prowess he sees it on my face
He grips me by the hips so I jump as he lifts me
Closing the gap with force pushed aside my panties
Pounding with a fierceness we raced to our climax
I cry out and never notice hot scratches at my back
His body cradles mines to support or slow descent
He rains kisses on my forehead all our energy spent
Lashes flutter close to cover secrets not yet shared
His gaze zeroes in on me “shit I might be scared!”
Fingers interlocked he guides me into the light

Thought I was in control but I wasn’t even in the fight

I'M READY

IT IS IN THIS LIFE THAT LOVE
CHALLENGES ME TO BE BETTER
IN THIS BREATH THAT I FIND HOW MUCH OF YOU FILLS ME
IN THIS MOMENT THAT I REALIZE I AM STILL HERE AND ALIVE
IN THIS SPACE THAT I WILLINGLY OPEN MYSELF TO SHARE ME
I CONFESS I AM NOT PERFECT YET I AM LIVING BRAND NEW
I AM A TRANSPARENT REFLECTION OF WHO YOU ARE TO ME
LIKE ME
LOVE ME
LEAD ME
LEARN ME
LET ME SHARE MY SECRETS WITH YOU WITHOUT REGRET
LET ME LOVE YOU BEYOND THE HURT SHE LEFT YOU TO BARE
LET ME CREATE A SACRED HAVEN SAFE FROM ANY STORM
LET ME SUBMIT TO YOUR SPIRIT AND FOLLOW YOUR LEAD
IT IS IN THIS LIFE A BETTER ME RISES FROM HURT'S ASHES
IN THIS BREATH
IN THIS MOMENT
IN THIS SPACE

I AM EXQUISITELY FASHIONED FROM YOUR RIB TO LOVE YOU