Vicious Existence

She spends her nights alone
Often awake counting stars
The kids tucked safely away
Quietly she listens for his car
No horn blows; no doorbell rings
No headlights illuminate the
empty space beside her legs
He never returns & yet she keeps
longing & gazing at his side of the bed.

She walks with a swagger
Envied by those she's passed
Approaching; they're lost in her eyes
Departing; mesmerized by her ass
Legs long peeking from under a skirt
Shades hiding a spirit unsure of its worth
So she rushes home to a phone w/no rings
And she's alone another night it seems
He's with his wife and couldn't get away
Donning her big girl panties she fights another day.

She nurtures their kids and keeps him fed
He slumbers in peace; she cries in their bed
With the rising of the sun she starts anew
Taking care of her fam but dreams of her Boo
She walks through her day this man on her mind
She's missing Hubba's love while he's on his grind
Her Adonis feeds her inner whore and fans her flame
She makes love to her husband but moans his name.

She wants to kick it in her shoes
She wants to sing her blues
She wants to stop being used
She wants to not be abused
She wants to be her; live her life
She forever single and yearns to be wife
She's stayed married and wants to be free
She thinks she's on the B team; it's really C
And she is you and you is me.

A Vicious Existence is an Existence
©WWW.NWALKSALADY.BLOGSPOT.COM 

Empty Space

My heart cries out for a lasting love of my own

You lying and crying bout her just trying to bone

My cookies though sweet are never up for grabs

Willing to give me what I had not what you have

My loyalty and affection I pour at your feet

But you're not satisfied until my heart you beat

I live for your gaze always craving your touch

Only you go home to her, your wife; Mrs. Such&Such

I fight back my tears standing alone in the dark

Reliving every moment never to get again

On my knees each night, "forgive us of our sins"

I don't want to let you go but I can't hold on

A melody in my chest as the DJ plays our song

Standing with her while you're thinking of me

In your thoughts there's no place I'd rather be

Right now your arms are full with her and them

I think I'm drowning though I know I can swim

On the edge of the cliff I sway back and forth

Your two to my one but who is keeping score

To love you like I do nails my feet into place

Her husband, her forever is my empty space.

Inspired by:
The Torturous Life of The Side Chick





©WWW.NWALKSALADY.BLOGSPOT.COM 

April 22nd

From her lap our lives were formed
From her lips our prayers were heard
Her walk with Jesus kept us safe
Looking to the heavens we see her face
Just as she was when she pressed our hair
The sweet smell of her essence still in the air
She is the bond that erases our miles
Her adoration for us seen in all her smiles
Crushed in her arms hugs were abundant
Hearing her say "love you" was never redundant
Her children's children were  blessed beyond measure
Her children still teaching life's lessons is her treasure
A prize to bequeath to those lives yet to come
Her legacy lives on though her walk on earth is done
Years are mere months, weeks, hours; feel like yesterday
And though we shed a tear we know she's never far away
We know God called her home to sit with Him on high
So we said "see you later" but never is this goodbye
Our hearts are overjoyed as we celebrate you today
We know you are smiling as we scream
"We Love you Mamma & Happy Birthday"

In Loving Memory,

Mrs. Ervin Holman; Big Mamma

©WWW.NWALKSALADY.BLOGSPOT.COM 

Love's Obituary

Sunrise: 9/27/73 - Sunset 4/20/14

Love is not prejudice

Love is not boastful

Love is not pessimistic

It is even-handed

humbled

and all consuming.

Love is not manipulative

Love is not lies

Love is not hurtful

It is self-sacrificing

constant

and all knowing.

Love is not selfish

Love is not hateful

Love is not guarded

It is secure

supportive

and completely transparent.

Love is not human

Man is...

Love is not flawed

Man is...

Love is not temporary

Man is...

Love is

Man is not.


©WWW.NWALKSALADY.BLOGSPOT.COM 

Vacancy

THIS TRAGIC LIFE HAS DEALT SOME BLOWS VERY FEW CAN GET UP FROM

I'M CONVINCED THE DAR OF NIGHT BRINGS  GREAT COMFORT

WHERE BEFORE THERE WAS ONLY FEAR

TO NOT SEE BEFORE ME

REMOVES EXPECTATION AND DISAPPOINTMENTS FROM MY GRASP

I WANT NOT

SO THE DISGUSTING MELODY OF YOUR WORDS FALLS ON DEAF EARS

TIME WAITS FOR NO ONE AND FOR YOU

I SHALL NEVER AGAIN HOLD MY BREATH

DEAR LOVE,

I ADMIT IT YOUR SADISTIC SARCASM HAS CARVED SOLID MARKINGS

IN THE CEMENT OF MY SPIRIT

TRAPPED ARE THE DREAMS I ONCE HELD DEAR

AS A YOUNG NOVICE LONGINGLY I SET ASIDE SOLID LEADS

FOR THOSE SMOKED THROUGH A PIPE

BITTER WAS THE TASTE ON MY LIPS

COUGHING, CHOKING, AND INHALING THIS BLACK LIFE

LUNGS NOW DISMANTLED

BY THE ASHES OF SUCH TREACHERY

I SIT HOPING MY NEXT OF KIN FINDS DNR ORDERS IN MY SAFE DEPOSIT BOX

TO GET RIGHT WITH GOD WOULD BEHOOVE THIS WEARY SOUL OR

THE TEACHINGS OF BIG MAMMA WERE FOR NAUGHT.

I ENTERED INTO THIS WORLD ON A WING & A PRAYER 

REPENT OR REMORSE'S ALL I GOT

THERE MUST BE A PLACE WHERE I BELONG; 

WHERE MY INNER DREAMER IS SET FREE

RIDICULED I WAS IN THIS FLESH

WALKING THIS EARTH

WHEN THE ONLY PERSON I KNEW TO BE WAS ME

TROUBLES DON'T LAST ALWAYS OR JOY COMETH IN THE MORNING?

A WIVE'S TALE AS TALL AS MY CYCLE KEPT ME 

FROM HOLDING NEW LIFE IN MY ARMS

CRADLED TO MY BOSOM

CRIMSON STREAKS CURDLE IN ON THEMSELVES RUSHING

TO ESCAPE THE WOUND OVER MY HEART

I KNEW I WOULD HAVE TO DIE IN THIS FLESH TO GET 

MY CLEAN SLATE AND FRESH START.

From The Depths of My Soul

My heart is full
My spirit is content
My needs are met
My wants are satisfied

My prayers are with purpose
My walk is with grace
My vision is through discernment
My faith is steadfast

My children are my pride
My mamma is my guide
My friends are my tried
My king is my heart-alive

God I praise Thee from the depths of my soul.

Your child,
Onta

©WWW.NWALKSALADY.BLOGSPOT.COM 

Choose Ye This Day

I can’t sit I can’t stand

I just can’t

Tossing & turning I’m lost

Lost in fear

Lost in hope

Lost in love

My soul dies twice over just as the sun rises

I smell death so near I flinch from the impact

Its timing so in sync I stumble

Just as your fist makes contact

Your physicality I’d rather withstand

Rather than once more my spirit savagely raped

This moment begs I put two silver bullets to rest

My smile; my rarest treasure so many take it for granted

Light or dark it remains in place; my representative

Just don’t think for 1 second I can’t crack

Fold under pressure

Cry when I’m hurt

Hate to be alone

Panic when I’m drowning

Drowning…

I know if I don’t swim I can’t rise

I can’t be victorious

I know if I don’t float I can’t live

Today…..

Just once I choose death