Thursday, April 24, 2014

Vicious Existence

She spends her nights alone
Often awake counting stars
The kids tucked safely away
Quietly she listens for his car
No horn blows; no doorbell rings
No headlights illuminate the
empty space beside her legs
He never returns & yet she keeps
longing & gazing at his side of the bed.

She walks with a swagger
Envied by those she's passed
Approaching; they're lost in her eyes
Departing; mesmerized by her ass
Legs long peeking from under a skirt
Shades hiding a spirit unsure of its worth
So she rushes home to a phone w/no rings
And she's alone another night it seems
He's with his wife and couldn't get away
Donning her big girl panties she fights another day.

She nurtures their kids and keeps him fed
He slumbers in peace; she cries in their bed
With the rising of the sun she starts anew
Taking care of her fam but dreams of her Boo
She walks through her day this man on her mind
She's missing Hubba's love while he's on his grind
Her Adonis feeds her inner whore and fans her flame
She makes love to her husband but moans his name.

She wants to kick it in her shoes
She wants to sing her blues
She wants to stop being used
She wants to not be abused
She wants to be her; live her life
She forever single and yearns to be wife
She's stayed married and wants to be free
She thinks she's on the B team; it's really C
And she is you and you is me.



A Vicious Existence is an Existence

Empty Space

My heart cries out for a lasting love of my own
You lying and crying bout her just trying to bone
My cookies though sweet are never up for grabs
Willing to give me what I had not what you have
My loyalty and affection I pour at your feet
But you're not satisfied until my heart you beat
I live for your gaze always craving your touch
Only you go home to her, your wife; Mrs. Such&Such
I fight back my tears standing alone in the dark
Reliving every moment never to get again
On my knees each night, "forgive us of our sins"
I don't want to let you go but I can't hold on
A melody in my chest as the DJ plays our song
Standing with her while you're thinking of me
In your thoughts there's no place I'd rather be
Right now your arms are full with her and them
I think I'm drowning though I know I can swim
On the edge of the cliff I sway back and forth
Your two to my one but who is keeping score
To love you like I do nails my feet into place
Her husband, her forever is my empty space.


Inspired by:
The Torturous Life of The Side Chick

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

April 22nd

From her lap our lives were formed
From her lips our prayers were heard
Her walk with Jesus kept us safe
Looking to the heavens we see her face
Just as she was when she pressed our hair
The sweet smell of her essence still in the air
She is the bond that erases our miles
Her adoration for us seen in all her smiles
Crushed in her arms hugs were abundant
Hearing her say "love you" was never redundant
Her children's children were  blessed beyond measure
Her children still teaching life's lessons is her treasure
A prize to bequeath to those lives yet to come
Her legacy lives on though her walk on earth is done
Years are mere months, weeks, hours; feel like yesterday
And though we shed a tear we know she's never far away
We know God called her home to sit with Him on high
So we said "see you later" but never is this goodbye
Our hearts are overjoyed as we celebrate you today
We know you are smiling as we scream
"We Love you Mamma & Happy Birthday"

In Loving Memory,

Mrs. Ervin Holman; Big Mamma

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Love's Obituary

Sunrise: 9/27/73 - Sunset 4/20/14

Love is not prejudice
Love is not boastful
Love is not pessimistic
It is even-handed
humbled
and all consuming.

Love is not manipulative
Love is not lies
Love is not hurtful
It is self-sacrificing
constant
and all knowing.

Love is not selfish
Love is not hateful
Love is not guarded
It is secure
supportive
and completely transparent.

Love is not human
Man is...
Love is not flawed
Man is...
Love is not temporary
Man is...
Love is
Man is not.

Vacancy

THIS TRAGIC LIFE HAS DEALT SOME BLOWS VERY FEW CAN GET UP FROM
I'M CONVINCED THE DAR OF NIGHT BRINGS  GREAT COMFORT
WHERE BEFORE THERE WAS ONLY FEAR
TO NOT SEE BEFORE ME
REMOVES EXPECTATION AND DISAPPOINTMENTS FROM MY GRASP

I WANT NOT
SO THE DISGUSTING MELODY OF YOUR WORDS FALLS ON DEAF EARS
TIME WAITS FOR NO ONE AND FOR YOU
I SHALL NEVER AGAIN HOLD MY BREATH

DEAR LOVE,
I ADMIT IT YOUR SADISTIC SARCASM HAS CARVED SOLID MARKINGS
IN THE CEMENT OF MY SPIRIT
TRAPPED ARE THE DREAMS I ONCE HELD DEAR
AS A YOUNG NOVICE LONGINGLY I SET ASIDE SOLID LEADS
FOR THOSE SMOKED THROUGH A PIPE
BITTER WAS THE TASTE ON MY LIPS
COUGHING, CHOKING, AND INHALING THIS BLACK LIFE
LUNGS NOW DISMANTLED
BY THE ASHES OF SUCH TREACHERY
I SIT HOPING MY NEXT OF KIN FINDS DNR ORDERS IN MY SAFE DEPOSIT BOX

TO GET RIGHT WITH GOD WOULD BEHOOVE THIS WEARY SOUL OR
THE TEACHINGS OF BIG MAMMA WERE FOR NAUGHT.
I ENTERED INTO THIS WORLD ON A WING & A PRAYER 
REPENT OR REMORSE'S ALL I GOT
THERE MUST BE A PLACE WHERE I BELONG; 
WHERE MY INNER DREAMER IS SET FREE
RIDICULED I WAS IN THIS FLESH
WALKING THIS EARTH
WHEN THE ONLY PERSON I KNEW TO BE WAS ME
TROUBLES DON'T LAST ALWAYS OR JOY COMETH IN THE MORNING?
A WIVE'S TALE AS TALL AS MY CYCLE KEPT ME 
FROM HOLDING NEW LIFE IN MY ARMS
CRADLED TO MY BOSOM
CRIMSON STREAKS CURDLE IN ON THEMSELVES RUSHING
TO ESCAPE THE WOUND OVER MY HEART
I KNEW I WOULD HAVE TO DIE IN THIS FLESH TO GET 
MY CLEAN SLATE AND FRESH START.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

From The Depths of My Soul

My heart is full
My spirit is content
My needs are met
My wants are satisfied

My prayers are with purpose
My walk is with grace
My vision is through discernment
My faith is steadfast

My children are my pride
My mamma is my guide
My friends are my tried
My king is my heart-alive

God I praise Thee from the depths of my soul.

Your child,
Onta



Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Choose Ye This Day

I can’t sit I can’t stand
I just can’t
Tossing & turning I’m lost
Lost in fear
Lost in hope
Lost in love
My soul dies twice over just as the sun rises
I smell death so near I flinch from the impact
Its timing so in sync I stumble
Just as your fist makes contact
Your physicality I’d rather withstand
Rather than once more my spirit savagely raped
This moment begs I put two silver bullets to rest
My smile; my rarest treasure so many take it for granted
Light or dark it remains in place; my representative
Just don’t think for 1 second I can’t crack
Fold under pressure
Cry when I’m hurt
Hate to be alone
Panic when I’m drowning
Drowning…
I know if I don’t swim I can’t rise
I can’t be victorious
I know if I don’t float I can’t live
Today…..

Just once I choose death