If I COULD I WOULD HATE YOU……

All I ever wanted was for you to remain by my side and hold my hand

As children of God we are taught early about death and to understand.

Just as a petulant child I don’t want to accept or understand when it happens to me

I don’t want to see clearly, believe it will get better, none of that shit.

I just want you with me.  

This is my heart’s happiness; you and me together forever

But you left me and so y’all keep that something to say clever.

In this deep darkness I’m going to jump and frivolous

Salutations have no residence here.

This hole is mine to stretch my sight as far veins go

Without popping out of socket.

You understand, you’ll be here, close your mouth,

And miss me with that; just stop it. 

All those times I was up in church feeling sad

But I wasn't sitting up front for that I was glad

I looked on from afar all those other times,

Me and you wondering who would jump first----

Why ain't there other cars driving in front of mine

It’s just the preacher’s car between me and the hearse

I can’t miss what I never had but you were mine to love on,

Laugh with, beat up, and get beat up by

Now all I can do is sit here and cry

This shit hurt I ain't gone lie

Never again do I look up and

You pass me by

If I didn't love you so much I’d hate you right now